Seriously?

Almost 2 years since i set out on my "mission of self-improvement" and what's happened? nothing! but i've started something new again. loving myself and getting into the mindset that puts me back in the groove. i am smart, i am kind, i matter, and i am worth it. i've spent too many years letting other people dictate how i live my life, well i've got news for them, you're done telling me what to do and telling me i'm not worth it. i am worth it!!!!

FAIL!

Not even a week into it and I've already failed! Friday was okay though, for a bit. I had eaten a good breakfast; low-fat vanilla yogurt and a banana; and an okay lunch; chicken nachos...but i effed later that night by drinking. I only had 4 drinks of vodka seven-up and think that's totally light compared to how i normally drink! and i had a sandwich for dinner, roastbeef with tomato and provolone. i should've had wheat bread instead of sourdough - damn.

saturday wasn't much better...same breakfast; low-fat vanilla yogurt and a banana, this time mixed with shredded wheat (it's actually pretty good) and for lunch roasted chicken with salad and organic caesar dressing with a glass of water. dinner was left-over roasted chicken sandwich on 12-grain bread with some veg. it was good, but i ended up have 3 cokes (the pure sugar ones from mexico) and a root beer. i suck...sometimes.

sunday wasn't too much better, same meals, 2 cups of coffee with unsweetened soy milk and 1 coke.

this isn't too hard, i just get cravings and think that if you don't binge on 'em it should be okay...but not so much...hopefully this week will be better before friday's weigh-in. fail for today though, i'm craving mcdonald's and have dinner plans at an italian restaurant...

oh fat girls...you gotta love 'em...

New Year - New Me

So, I have decided that 2010 is going to be the year that I lose myself - literally. My goal is to lose all the weight I possibly can by this time next year, but be healthy about it. No diet pills, etc. Just eating right and exercising. Something I should've done years before, but never had the mindset to do. So here I am at 28 years old 304.8 pounds and struggling with that aspect of my life. Otherwise, I'm generally happy.

So here it goes, Day 1 - 304.8 lbs and I need to be 250 or under by June 15th. Encouragement, is always accepted and appreciated.

Food diaries and daily struggles, yup...you can bet on it. Oh, I'll keep up my normal ranting as well though :)

Dear Diary: Dec. 8, '09

Oh Tuesday...sometimes you make me happy sometimes you make me sad. Maybe that's why I've nick-named you Tipsy Tuesday; because the majority of my Tuesdays end with me being tipsy.

Blogging is new to me and it's one of those things where it makes me think. With Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, etc. who really wants to read other people's blogs, etc. I don't care to read anyone's blogs - maybe because I'm uniterested. Some would call that self-centered, but I just believe it's I'm uninterested. I don't feel that the majority of the people on this planet are interesting. Maybe if you find someone interesting and "follow" them on Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, and their Blog you're not a self-centered individual but perhaps a stalker, so seriously, what's the point of having a BAZILLION friends or followers unless you're trying to start a cult. Are you?

I love just ranting about random things, it makes me feel better. So either deal with it or don't follow me.

Maybe I should rename this blog diary of a mad american woman - oh that gets me on another rant - why do people have to compartmentalize everything??? Not everything in life fits into a pretty little box!!!

Deal with it!

Dear Diary - Dec. 7 '09

Oh Monday - sometimes I truly hate you - you start my week off either really good or really bad. This week should be a fun one - happy pearl harbor rememberance - I almost forgot, which could mean a few things...I don't care, I'm not old enough to remember, I'm not old enough to care or I just wasn't taught in school to actually care - or it could be numerous other reasons why I forgot.
Oooh! Coffee machine was broken so I didn't get coffee until I got to the office, so my morning wasn't too fun.
Even bigger OOOH! Mommy dearest was supposed to have surgery today, but it was post-poned until Wednesday and of course she's playing it all up for what it's worth - yay mom...I love how I can have so much hostility for the woman who gave me life, yet anyone else tries to say anything bad about her I'll punch their face. Guess that's the joy of family.
Can I just mention how much people truly irritate me when they don't know the difference between: your, you're, they're, their, there, know, no, do, and due. HUGE pet peeve! learn proper English for crap sake!
Okay...I've had enough random ramblings for now